A Prayer for Sobriety and Reconciliation
"I lost it," she told police as her husband lay bleeding and her son...lost himself in a video game...but there is no easy reset button for this family
A husband looks on, holding back tears with hat in hand, as the state’s attorney recounts the night his teacher-wife stabbed him repeatedly in a drunken fury. Twitter post here.
This story affected me deeply. And on this Sunday morning, as I prepare myself for mass by reflecting on the past week where I have fallen short, in what I have done and what I have failed to do, through my own fault…I am sending a prayer up for this man, his wife, and their broken family.
She will not likely teach again. She will need to rebuild her career and her reputation. She will need to reconcile with her husband, save her marriage, and spend the rest of her life repairing the damage to the young son she lost as a result of that night, now safely back with his biological father on the other side of the country. Like ripples in a lake when a stone is tossed, what we do in this life reverberates outward. And some stones hit harder.
“I lost it.”
The three words she gave police in a moment of clarity as they quickly searched her home to assess the scene. What they found is heartlessly easy for a lawyer to later recount aloud, clinically reading the chronology from a thick binder of evidence under the unforgiving glare of florescent lighting. In a room far removed from that night in time and distance. But for him to hear it now is too much, no matter how hard he tries to be strong as she takes the stand to hear - and affirmatively confirm - every last word of it. He grips his hat harder during the tougher parts.
Police find her husband laid out in the back under a bloody sheet, fumes of alcohol filed the room as he yelled, then mumbled, unintelligibly at them. Near him was the blade of a Swiss Army knife still open and exposed, dripping in matching red.
Police note in the report that her 8-year old son was off to himself, “playing on an electronic device.”
But how they describe her is what really, really, stays with me.
As they enter the house, they find her…clutching a pair of blood-soaked, pink shorts to her face.
When it’s her turn to speak, she is shaken.
“I wasn’t prepared for this,” she says, as the realization she will be compelled to relive every moment of that night hit her, hard.
And relive it she did, bravely. She was fighting for her chance to teach again, but also, I suspect, she was seeking a kind of spiritual restoration of her life. Her marriage, her family, her job, her clearheadedness and purpose. She wanted desperately to go back, to the Before time. Her heart aches every moment for the son she has lost.
Her home is as empty as her heart. She wants them both filled again.
Appearing before the State Board of Education’s Professional Practices Advisory Committee is probably the hardest part for most teachers called up on discipline charges. By the time they appear at the hearing, the police reports are filed, the testimony recorded, the charges written up…in a lawyer’s thick binder. There should not have been any surprises, but yet there she was - wholly unprepared for this. Didn’t bring an attorney or even a copy of the complaint. She acted like maybe she had never read it. All she had was a simple notice to appear. Time and date.
But she didn’t need copies to recall those events. Those images are etched in memory.
Unfortunately, the Committee only investigates and makes recommendations. Her case will next proceed up to the full board where they will hear her testimony again, and approve, modify or reject, the Committee’s recommendations. In yet another brightly lit room like this one, but with a whole new slate of strangers for whom she’s just another unfortunate case they must get through on their way to the next agenda item.
I am not optimistic for this woman’s chances to ever teach again. I am, however, hopeful she will regain something greater - her dignity and Life Purpose.
Drug and alcohol abuse is usually the second or third biggest reason for teacher discipline in Arizona. There are many such stories. And I wonder if there’s anything particularly unique about teaching that causes so many to fall from it. Or maybe they’re just the ones in a vocation where it’s immediately disqualifying if caught.
I don’t usually go into these, but this one - I wanted to hold up. Just in case it helps stir thoughts for even one person to get a grip on themselves, take action, and reverse course. Before it’s too late.
Finally, a housekeeping note. I’m in the process of moving toward a paid subscription model. If you like my work, I hope you will consider contributing. It takes time and effort to research and write on these matters - for the price of a cup of coffee, you can show me it’s worth it.
End.